


Your Cover Is Falling Apart Now (it's been so long)

by Marmoniel



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Fake AH Crew, Gavin-centric, Immortal Fake AH Crew
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2015-12-02
Packaged: 2018-05-04 13:26:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5335733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marmoniel/pseuds/Marmoniel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So it turns out that Ryan isn't the oldest. Instead, Gavin is centuries older than Ryan ever was. Gavin has been lying for so long. He doesn't want the Crew to find out. But... then they do. And it's all over.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your Cover Is Falling Apart Now (it's been so long)

**Author's Note:**

> alternate title: 'Gavin Free Invented Fucking Fire???'.  
> A concept and story written and 2am on a Wednesday night.
> 
> Warning: Mentions of suicide and self-harm. 
> 
> (Some accidental tense changing is probably in here? I kept having to go back and change bc I'd unconsciously slip into present, oops)

Gavin was tired. He was tired of everything.

Lying to everyone, pretending to be someone and something he’s not. (He was especially tired of living, though.) He had just been alive for so very long.

Ryan understands the best. Ryan doesn’t know everything either though. 

None of the Crew does. None of the Crew knew the truth, and Gavin didn’t want them to ever know either.

But his cover was falling apart. His cover, and his lies were unraveling, and soon everyone may know just how much he had been lying about. (Which is a lot.)

Everything he had spent so long hiding, was almost out in the open, and this is how it starts:

 

Gavin and Geoff were driving through Los Santos, high on adrenaline after their heist that ended in victory.

“Look at us, Gavvy! We’re the kings of the world!”

“And queens, Geoffrey,” said Jack’s voice through the ear-pieces that every member of the Crew were wearing.

Geoff just grinned. 

“How much did we get, boys?” His grin got bigger as the Crew all replied. “Almost 2 thousand, so not bad for a bunch of convenience stores.”

“You’d think they’d know better by now,” said Michael.

“Everyone head back to the apartment, once you lost the cops.” said Geoff, before noticing that Gavin was being quieter than usual.

“Alright there, Gavvy-Wavvy?” He said after shutting off his ear-piece.

Gavin was lost in his own head in another time. He was remembering loud voices and crying, and children screaming, and panic and pain and terror. He was thinking of all the lives that were lost, that he could have saved. He was thinking of all the memories he still has from that time, and how much he wished he could forget. He thinks of how long ago it was, and how much has changed since.

“Gavin? You okay, buddy?” Gavin looked over, and Geoff was giving him a concerned look while trying to keep his eyes on the road.

The british man forced a smile onto his face, “Just thinkin’ bout how we should have used a cargo-bob as well. Jack would have been happier.” He brushed off Geoff’s concern, as usual.

“Rye and I have lost the cops, so we’re heading back now. Anyone want anything from Burger King? We’re in the drive-through now.”

Ray’s unconcerned chatter took Geoff’s attention off Gavin’s out of character-ness.

“Uh, yeah, grab me a burger or something. And coke! And I don’t want any of that pepsi shit that you and Ryan like.” Geoff replied. “And… Gav will have the same.”

Geoff glanced at Gavin, looking like the older immortal might fall apart.

“Everything alright, Geoff?” Jack said, sounding concerned.

“Yeah.” The way Geoff said it indicating that they should all drop the subject. Gavin was glad for it.

The rest of the ride was spent in silence for Geoff and Gavin, while they idly listened to the others chatter amongst themselves. (Well, for Geoff at least. Gavin’s mind went back to the screaming. Which never seemed to really go away.)

 

Later, everyone was at their shared apartment (which was originally Geoff’s, but everyone slowly moved their stuff in, until they looked around and no one went back to their own apartments anymore.) and they were still all high off the adrenaline of the heist, and they were reliving stories from centuries back.

“And that’s how Jack and Geoff ambushed me and made me join the crew,” Michael finished, and everyone was laughing so hard that there were tears in their eyes.

“The way you tell it Michael makes it sound so much worse than it was,” said Geoff.

“Geoff, to be fair, it was pretty bad anyway.” said Jack, leaning into Geoff’s shoulder and raising his beer. 

“Gav, how did they get you in, again? Your story’s pretty funny too, boi!” Michael said while grinning widely at Gavin. 

The british man missed what Michael said to him, and was just staring at the ground, lost in his own thoughts and memories.

“Gavin?” the redhead prompted. “Anyone home?” When he didn’t respond, Michael shoved Gavin’s shoulder, and the next thing he knew, he landed on the ground with a thud, and Gavin was on top of him, shoving his knee into Michael’s stomach, with a wild look in his eyes.

“Woah, Gavin, what the fuck?!” Ray said, sounding a little panicked.

Gavin suddenly let go of Michael, looking panicked himself. “Pha kel estra,” he said in a language that none of them recognise.

“Uh — sorry, boi, had a bit much to drink, I think!” He tried to pass it off with a sloppy smile. No one said anything.

“Right, well, I’m gonna go back to my place… I’ll — uh — see you all tomorrow?” Gavin grabbed his jacket and shoved his gun back into the waistline of his pants. He couldn’t be bothered trying to keep his cover up anymore. And he couldn’t stop thinking of that time, so many years ago, with so much pain.

 

Back at the shared apartment, the rest of the crew exchanged looks.

“Anyone know what the fuck that was about?” Michael said, holding his stomach.

When everyone nodded or shrugged, Ryan said, “What language was that? I’ve never heard it.”

Ryan was the oldest, so he’d heard almost every human language since he was born, so him not knowing a language was kind of a big deal.

They don’t stay up much longer drinking, and everyone puzzled over Gavin’s odd behaviour as they went to sleep.

 

Meanwhile, Gavin was sitting in the middle of the floor of his apartment, surrounded by broken glass, furniture, bottles, and torn apart books. He’d broken everything he had (injuring himself in the process rather heavily) and was sitting down, staring blankly at the wall. His neighbours had heard the ruckus, but knowing who lived there, wisely didn’t say anything about it to anyone.

Gavin was thinking about his past. About his first life (which he had tried so hard to forget) and about his first death, and about everything he’d gone through. He was thinking about all the pain he’d caused, and all the pain he’d received. He was also thinking of all the lies he’d told his Crew over the years.

‘I was just thinking…’

‘Nah, I’m not drunk!’

‘Didn’t die this time.’

‘It’s just a flesh wound.’

‘Didn’t kill anyone this time, boys!’

‘Hm? Nah, I didn’t do that.’

‘It’s not my blood.’

‘Yeah, I’m british, you mong.’

‘Of course I don’t speak French!’

‘Or Spanish.’

‘Or Latin.’

‘Or Greek.’

‘Or Portuguese.’

‘Or Japanese.’

‘Nah, I don’t remember dying the first time very well.’

‘I’m fine.’

‘I’m okay.’

‘I’m safe.’

‘I’ve never tried to kill myself either.’

‘I’ve never hurt myself.’

‘I didn’t hurt myself, I was mugged. Killed ‘im though.’

‘Course this is a real accent, you silly sausage!’

And the biggest of all,

‘I’m younger than Ryan.’

In reality, Gavin was older than Ryan. Much older than Ryan. He was old before Ryan was even born. Gavin was born before language. Gavin was born before time was born (Okay, so not really, but he was extremely old.)

He’d been born before written language, so any record of his life was never even written, his gods practically non-existent, his family never born, and everything he’d done in his first life never really happened. Or so he wished. His first life had been full of pain and bloodshed. Full of betrayals and death and unhappiness. So he doesn’t like to speak of it. 

When he was first asked how old he was by his crew, the chose a life that he remembered well. It was over half way through his life, but it was calm and peaceful. So that was what he told them was his first life.

And he’d managed to keep up the charade, until things started happening that reminded him of his first life. 

Bones found by scientists in places they didn’t know human life ever existed. Carvings found in caves that were foreign styles and images. Records of life that couldn’t and shouldn’t have existed. Things unknown, becoming known. 

Gavin was almost scared that his Crew would find out. Almost, because he didn’t really feel anything anymore. He dully felt emotion, but it didn’t quite reach him anymore. He didn’t feel much of anything at all anymore. Sometimes, he’d have a good day. Which just meant that it was easier to fake a smile. But in the long run, in several years, would a smile matter anymore? 

He wishes he wasn’t immortal. He wishes he never came back to life, and had just stayed dead. He wishes it with his whole being. It often leads to him killing himself over and over and over and over and over to see if there’s a limit to the deaths.

Once Ryan had found him doing it, and looked at him with pity and said, ‘There’s no limit, Gavin, trust me.’

As if Gavin hadn’t died more than double the times that Ryan had. As if Gavin was younger than him. It wasn’t Ryan’s fault for not knowing, of course.

No, that was Gavin’s fault for lying to them all.

It’s not like it was a small lie either. 

Lying to someone about your entire existence is no white lie. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s a black lie. A huge, dark, existential, soul-sucking, cold, black lie. 

So he was tired. So very tired.

 

When Gavin didn’t come back to the shared apartment the next day, the rest of the Crew figured that maybe he was taking the day off. They shared worried glances, but no one said anything. (Gavin was still sitting on his floor, with copious amounts of blood leaking out of him.)

When Gavin didn’t come back to the shared apartment the day after that, the rest of the Crew figured that maybe he was busy doing whatever else Gavin did. They exchanged concerned glances, and the occasional mutter. (Gavin was still sitting on his floor, and the blood had stopped and dried on his skin and clothes and in his hair and on his floor but he was still sitting there.)

When Gavin didn’t come back to the shared apartment the day after that, the rest of the Crew figured that he’d just come back when he was ready. The lines on their faces grew and they constantly check their phones for messages. (Gavin was still sitting on his floor, and everything was still and he was dehydrated, but he was still sitting.) 

When Gavin didn’t come back to the shared apartment the day after that, Jack gave in and said, “Fuck this, it’s been too long. I’m going to his apartment to check on him, and you’re all fucking coming too.” 

The others jumped at the chance to check if the other member of the Crew was okay, and were all ready to go immediately.

They didn’t want to make Gavin think they thought he couldn’t take care of himself. 

They drove to his apartment (almost forgetting where it was) and when they got to his door and knocked, there was no response. Inside, Gavin was lost in his thoughts still, remembering the past, and even the knocking of the people who had become his life, couldn’t bring him out of it.

When there was no answer after they had knocked several times, they broke down the door. 

Geoff was the first to see Gavin.

“Holy fucking shit dude, what the fuck.” Was what Geoff said. 

Michael and Ray both just stood there, unsure of what to do. 

Ryan and Jack both went closer to see where the blood was coming from. 

“Gavin? Gavin, can you hear me?” Jack said, waving his hand in front of Gavin’s blank stare. 

“It’s okay, the blood is dry. It looks old.” Ryan said to everyone else, to reassure them. 

Their attempts at waking him up were unsuccessful, so eventually Ryan picked up Gavin’s unresponsive body and they took him back to the apartment. 

When he was there, they cleaned the blood of him, gave him an IV line, and they didn’t know what else to do. So they waited for him to wake up. 

It was three more days before he did.

When he woke up, it was sudden. Life came back into him, and he panicked, ripped the IV line out of his arm, and started yelling in the same foreign language as before. 

“Gavin!” Ray tried to calm him down. “Gavin, STOP!”

Ray knew that he wouldn’t be able to restrain the other immortal by himself, so he ran to find someone else. 

He luckily ran into Ryan. 

“It’s Gavin — he’s awake. But you have to stop him!”

“Stop him? From what?” Ryan was already following Ray back to the room as they spoke. 

Ray didn’t answer because they got to the room, and Ryan saw for himself. 

Gavin had calmed down considerably, but was crouched with his back to the wall with the same crazed look in his eyes. 

Ryan walked like Gavin was a frightened animal. 

“Gavin, are you okay?” He spoke slowly, and his voice was gentle. 

“Nos es lekif?” Gavin said in the foreign language. 

“Gavin, it’s Ryan. Can you come with me?” 

“Nos es lekif?”

“Ray’s going to get the others, okay?” When Ryan said this, Ray nodded quickly, and hurried to find the others. 

Ryan slowly walked closer to Gavin, and when he flinched and huddled further into the wall, Ryan put his hands in front of him to indicate that he didn’t want to hurt Gavin. 

When Ryan was about a meter away from him, Gavin covered his face with his hands, rocked back and forth slightly and made a keening noise. 

“Hey, hey, Gavin. It’s okay, you’re safe. It’s okay.”

Gavin continued to make the keening noise. It was full of anguish and pain, and made Ryan pity the other man. 

He remembered what Gavin had said before, and tried to reproduce the words that he’d said. 

“Nos es lekif.”

Gavin stopped rocking and keening, and he took his hands away from his face. He didn’t say anything. Just looked confused. 

“Nos es lekif.” 

The older immortal slowly stood up, and stepped closer to Ryan. 

Gavin looked at Ryan. Ryan looked at Gavin. 

“Ry-ryan?” Gavin said hesitantly. 

The other man felt relieved. (He also wondered where Ray and everyone else was.) Ryan nodded at Gavin. 

“Are you okay, Gav?” 

Gavin looked confused as he mentally translated what Ryan said, then laughed bitterly. 

“I’m fine, Ryan.”

Ryan didn’t believe him for a second. (After all, Gavin had just been in a coma, and had just freaked out and forgotten who he was and how to speak English.) 

“Bullshit.” 

Gavin was surprised that Ryan had said that outright, but he supposed that it wasn’t unfounded. 

“What’s this about, Gavin?” When he didn’t reply, Ryan kept talking. “You can’t just not tell us. You were practically in a fucking coma.”

Gavin sighed. He knew that they’d react even worse when they found out the truth.

“I can’t tell you.”

A rough laugh escaped Ryan. And he’d thought that he was angsty. 

“Fine, whatever. At least stay here this time.” 

He nodded, but Gavin knew that there was no way that anyone would drop it.

 

They accepted him back at first, and no one outright commented on it. Then they slowly started wearing him down. They

pestered him for information. Subtly at first, then outright. 

“Gavin, we’re just trying to help.”

“Yeah, well it’s not fucking working! Leave off it, alright?”

 

“Gav, it’ll be better if you just tell us.”

“Fuck. Off. Geoffrey.”

 

“What Geoff means to say is that it’s unhealthy for you to keep it in.”

“Not really, Jack.”

 

“You have to let us in, Gavin.” 

“No.”

 

“Just tell us, you fucking idiot!”

 

“It’ll help if you tell us.”

 

“Tell us.”

“Tell us.”

“Tell us.”

 

“If I bloody tell you, you’ll all fucking hate me, so stop, damn, asking, alright?”

“What?”

“We wouldn’t hate you, Gav, we’d try to help.”

“Yeah, well you can’t help me.” 

Even just that small revelation was the most information that they’d gotten from him about it. So of course, they intended to keep pushing and see if he broke. 

And push, they did. 

Every day, they nagged and nagged. Every minute of every day. 

It took a whole three months. But Gavin broke.

And he took out all of his lies with him.

 

“Okay. I’ll tell you.” He was scarily calm, and his voice was quiet and controlled. 

All six members of the Fake AH Crew were sitting in the lounge, most were holding some sort of alcohol in their hands, and no one had even nagged Gavin about it yet. 

Gavin had been thinking of telling them for so long. He figured that they’d find out eventually, so he might as well tell them.

After all, what did he have to lose? Except everything he’d worked for in the last several centuries. Except everything he’d grown to love. 

“I lied. About lots of things.”

He let that sink in before continuing on talking.

“I’m not 500 years old. Fuck, I’m nowhere near that young.”

Everyone paused, and there was a noticeable shift in the room.

“So… how old are you then?” The question came from Ray in a quiet voice, who seemed to be the only one who could talk still. 

“I honestly don’t know. I was born before there was a concept of age.” Gavin put down the beer he was loosely holding. “More than twice the age of Ryan, at least.” 

“Holy shit,” Michael said. 

“Why’d you lie to us all?” Jack said.

“I wanted to forget. I still do. I wish I couldn’t remember any of my earlier lives. Or anything before meeting you guys.” 

Geoff stood up and walked out. An awkward silence followed his absence. 

Gavin just laughed in a self-pitying manner.

“I did say that you’d hate me.” Then he stood up calmly and walked to his room. 

Everyone else sat there in shock. Slowly everyone stood up and went to their respective rooms. Until Ryan was the last one sitting there. 

In his head, he tried to organize Gavin into his oldest memories. When he was just a small boy, still growing, and still had a chance of dying normally, Gavin would have been dying elsewhere and coming back to life. While Ryan was worshiping the Roman gods, Gavin would have been worshiping whatever gods he grew up honouring. 

Ryan stayed up for hours, thinking. (Which seemed to be a trend among the older immortals. First Gavin, then Ryan.) 

Finally, he slipped into Gavin’s room. Gavin was sitting on the floor leaning against his bed. When Ryan opened his door, his head turned lazily too look at Ryan. 

“What?” he said. 

“What gods did you worship?” Ryan asked, hoping that Gavin wouldn’t get mad. He knew what centuries old fury was like, and he didn’t want to be on the other end of it for once. 

“None that you’ll ‘ave heard of. Why?” Gavin asked, suspicious of Ryan’s question. 

“I want to know what life was like before my time.” 

Gavin’s expression softened slightly. He patted the floor next to him, as an invitation for Ryan to sit down. 

“Well, they didn’t have names. They had set jobs, and roles though. And you’d pray to a different god every hour. So there were 24.”

“So you knew how many hours were in a day back then?” 

“Who do you think came up with the concept of hours, Rye-bread?”

“Well, I thought the Greeks, but…”

“You mong.”

“Shut up, grand-pa.”

Gavin childishly stuck his tongue out. 

“So when d’you sleep?”

“We took half hour naps every few hours. We were used to being tired back then.”

“And we only took from the land what we needed. Anything else and you’d be exiled or executed.”

(“Well that’s unfairly brutal.”)

“That was just how it worked. All crimes were given the same punishment.”

(“So how did your language work? What’s your sentence structure like?”)

“Just say words that get your meaning across. It’s not a very precises language. You just pick up keywords.”

Ryan kept asking questions of Gavin’s first life, and Gavin began to slowly realise that not all of it was bad. He remembered faintly playing with his friends, working, spending time with his family. What he looked back on with the fondest smile though,was praying to his gods. 

For his first few centuries, he took refuge in praying to his gods. He kept up the hourly prayers for 137 years, before he stopped. (And he only stopped physically. Mentally, he prayed every hour still.) 

Ryan kept looking at his watch after Gavin told him about his ritual of praying hourly, and when the time hit the hour mark, he said to Gavin, “You can pray for real, if you want.” 

Gavin was surprised at the offer. He’d wanted to do it properly for so long now, but he couldn’t bring himself to. But inside, he felt that his gods were urging him too, finally. 

So he prayed. He used the proper ritual, position, and language. 

When he finished, (it took exactly 1 minute and 11 seconds.) Gavin felt a familiar old strength rush through him. The power thrummed in his veins, and he felt it all over his body. In his hair, rushing through his arms, pooling in his stomach, flowing through his groin and down into his legs and toes. (He wondered why he’d ever stopped praying.)

Ryan smiled when he saw the effect that the prayer had had on Gavin. Ryan felt the same thing when he prayed to his gods. 

The two immortals stayed up, talking and reminiscing about Gavin’s earlier life until everyone else woke up, and even then they continued. 

They only stopped when Geoff opened the door to Gavin’s room and stopped with a puzzled look on his face when he saw Ryan. 

“Okay, Gavin, I’m annoyed that you lied. I’m fucking livid, actually. But… I get it. Kinda. So, could you please come talk to us all, and like, fucking explain?”

Gavin nodded, surprised that Geoff was being so calm about it. (And wasn’t kicking him out of the crew, either.) 

When the two oldest immortals followed Geoff into the kitchen, they saw that everyone else was already there. 

“But like, guys… Does this mean that Gavin’s actually a Gent?” 

“Absolutely not, Ray, you can keep him. We don’t want him.” Ryan said, smiling. “Do we, Geoff?”

His challenge didn’t go unnoticed by anyone. 

“Right.” Geoff said curtly. 

Gavin took a deep breath, “Listen, I understand if you don’t want me in the crew anymore.”

Then Gavin took hold of the strength that was still running through his veins and said, , “Actually, fuck that. I’m one of the first few members of this crew and I’m pretty fucking important too. If you hate me, I get it. But I’m not leaving.” 

“What? Of course you’re not leaving, Gav.” Jack said.

“Listen, we’re angry, but you’re still one of us, Gavin.” Michael said, in the calmest tone he’d had for months. 

Ray just nodded. “X-Ray and Vav have still got crime left to fight, Gavvy-Wavvy.” (Everyone snorted again at the idea of Gavin and Ray stopping crime instead of causing it.)

“You know, if I’d have killed someone in my first life, my people would have absolutely mullered me.”

“Mullered,” Michael said in an overexaggerated British accent, “You’re not even English, so you don’t have an excuse anymore.”

“What he means is that he would have been executed in a bloody and painful way.” Ryan translated. 

“Well, I mean they did that anyway, but not for killing anyone.” Gavin said, but nodded at Ryan’s translation.

“What’d you do?”

“Accidentally set fire to my house.”

“Accidentally?”

“It was a new thing! No one had even seen fire before.”

“Wait…” Geoff spoke for the first time. “You invented fire. You.”

Gavin just shrugged. 

“Holy fucking shit, this is too much.” Michael muttered.

Geoff ran his hands through his hair, grinning. 

“Not only are you a million years old. But you fucking invented fire. Fire. Gavin Free invented fire. Actual, real fire.”

Ray tried to hold in his laughter as he said,  
“I’m surprised his first death wasn’t from tripped and falling into said fire.”  
“OI!”

Gavin was tired of lying. So he stopped.

And in the end — after so many ‘grand-pa’ jokes, and innumerable fire jokes too — he didn’t have to pretend to be someone he wasn’t anymore. 

**Author's Note:**

> If you leave me lovely comments, I will send you internet hugs?  
> Also, thank you for reading! I enjoyed writing this, and it helped to take my mind off my transphobic mother (ha)!
> 
> Have a lovely day! <3  
> Also my tumblr is jolly-jack-kelly (or siriiuusblack outside of the holidays!) Come say hi!


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